The Available Parent: Radical Optimism for Raising Teens and Tweens - Softcover

From the foreword:

Suddenly, it seems, you are the parent of a teenager. It’s a role you
have looked forward to for several years with a good deal of concern
and apprehension. And sure enough, now that the job is upon you, you
realize it is a different world! Your formerly friendly son now seems
more sullen, moody and distant. Over the last few months your daughter
has apparently come to believe that her parents are out of touch with
reality. Where are these kids coming from?

As one mother put it, My daughter went to high school her
first day as a freshman and never returned. I lost my baby!” Through
things like Facebook and texting, teens nowadays seem to spend their
entire days wired” to each other. When they’re not connecting with
peers, they are surfing the Internet, playing video games or watching
TV. It’s as if there is no more room in their lives for parents.
Attempts to communicate at the dinner table, such as the notorious How
was your day?” are met with curt responses like Fine.” End of
conversation. Another attempt at pulling teeth has failed.

You feel hurt, rejected, angry and scared. What if my son
starts using drugs? What if my daughter starts having sex? What in
God’s name am I supposed to be doing with This Kid!?

In The Available Parent, Dr. John Duffy sticks his neck out
and offers a clear answer: As the parent of a teenager your top
priority before anything else is to stay in touch with your rapidly
changing youngster. Staying in touch is the essence of what Dr. Duffy
means by availability. Availability is the ability to understand your
child’s need to pull away. It’s the ability to remember your own
teenage years and even though you may feel rejected at times to treat
your retreating child with respect. Availability is the ability to
leave your fears and your ego behind and to really listen to what your
adolescent has to say, even if it makes you cringe.

Not an easy task by any means, but The Available Parent
gives a clear roadmap for carrying the mission out. Dr. Duffy first
takes you inside the mind of a teenager, so you can understand where
this kid is coming from. He then explains why some parents’ natural
inclinations, such as snooping, micromanaging, blinders and bribery,
never work. Next Dr. Duffy describes the notion of parental
availability, and he offers specific methods for recreating the
connection with your adolescent offspring. For those who are fearful
that availability means laissez faire parenting, there is a chapter on
discipline and behavioral contracts.

The goal of Dr. Duffy’s book is to help parents of teens
understand and define their job. For moms and dads that means, among
other things, accepting the fact that their children are supposed to
eventually break away, leave home and become attached to new people.
But the goal of The Available Parent is also that teens and parents
enjoy one another’s company as much as possible now while they’re still
living in the same house.

What in God’s name am I supposed to be doing with This Kid?
The Available Parent gives you the answer.
Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D.
1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12

Embrace Fearless Parenting

Have you ever been bewildered by the changes in your child and your sudden lack of effectiveness as a parent? When hugs and family fun have been replaced by silence, slamming doors and an ever-changing array of moods, you need new tools. Top teen expert Dr. John Duffy has encountered all of this and more in his family counseling practice and offers excellent advice, clear strategies and teen-tested solutions in The Available Parent.

Dr. Duffy can help you shift the dynamic in your relationship with your teenager. Imagine what it would be like if healthy conversations replaced angry outbursts or petulant silence. Using the techniques in The Available Parent, you can begin to enjoy a healthy, satisfying, new kind of relationship with your teenager one based on a foundation of radical optimism, rather than fear-based control. At a time when many "helicopter parents" micromanage and under-appreciate their children, Dr. Duffy's step-by-step guide is an innovative approach to taking care of teens and tweens. You'll see that it's the available parent that fosters an extraordinary teenager.

What you'll learn inside this book:
· How to understand the adolescent mind
· What teen rebellion is really about
· How to build your child's self-esteem and confidence
· How to create a successful behavioral contract