True Secrets of Washington, D.C. Revealed! - Softcover

Scott Gutelius is the color commentator for Eden Entertainment Ltd., Inc. He lived just off 18th and Columbia in Adams Morgan for a while, employed as a door-to-door encyclopedia salesman. Gutelius would like to remind his former employers in Alexandria, who will remain nameless on advice of counsel, that they still owe him about $4,000. He was last seen trying to bribe a Metro driver to take him back to Key West.

Carol Varner had the opportunity to live near Washington, D.C. and she likes to describe that time as, "living near history." Her two sons thought it was "Mom dragging children through nearly every living museum and monument ever built in history." Carol thinks the Washington, D.C. experience can best be summed up as, "An intimate view of the nation that rose up from obscurity to become leader of the free world...and really tired feet from all that walking."

Marcus Varner is a Scorpio. His favorite color is bluish-yellowy-greenish-red. We still haven't figured out exactly what Marcus actually does at Eden Entertainment, but we tolerate his occasional suggestions. As a child, Mr. Varner used to escape from his mother's "educational tours" of Washington, D.C. so he could hang out under the model of the giant blue whale at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History. He is a very strange person.

Daniel Reynen is the President of Eden Entertainment Ltd., Inc., a large, soulless, multinational corporation hell-bent on world domination. Fearless Leader, as President Reynen likes to be called, is currently lobbying Congress to create a cabinet level position for him. President Reynen doesn't really care what he would be in charge of; he just wants to have the words, "Presidential Appointee" printed on his business cards. We love Fearless Leader.